Taking a long overdue drive

down the highway to hell!

Hey hun, 

Well, if the road to hell is paved with good intentions, I think I’ve laid down a good mile myself. But, I’d just forgotten how lousy it feels. 

The other night we were expecting Eve and Julian at Trevor’s for dinner, but only Julian knocked on the door, looking like his ship had sunk. He didn’t have to tell us that Eve had broken the news to him. In fact, he didn’t seem like talking much at all. I hung back while they guys went out to the wood shop. 

After a few minutes, I felt itchy. It was too quiet in the house, even with the radio playing. I took out my phone, thinking that maybe I should message Eve, but I already had one from her: 

I know you meant well but I’m still pissed off about everything. I’m going to visit my sister in Chicago for a while. Sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye to you in person. 

Ye-ouch. I peeked out the kitchen window to see if Trevor and Julian were still out in the shop. But instead, I heard a car start up in the driveway. Trevor came back in through the front door alone.

He didn’t say anything, just cleared off the extra plates and served us up from the stove. When we sat down, I asked him what Julian had said. 

“Well,” said Trevor, “as you probably guessed, Eve came clean about, this, uh, online guy. Guess he realized that she wasn’t as peppy as she used to be, but this took him completely by surprise. I’ve never seen him like that. Just shell shocked.” 

We really didn’t talk much for the rest of the dinner. To be honest, I didn’t have much of an appetite, but Trevor just stared ahead, eating blankly. 

I never cared to know what was going on in a man’s head as much as I did at that moment. In my blind quest to try and help Eve, I might have just blown everything else right to hell. 

After dinner, we sat out on the lawn in old camping chairs, drinks in hand. In a small gesture of mercy, it was a good night for stargazing, so our silence wasn’t as painfully awkward as it could have been. Eventually, I said, “So, I guess I should think about heading on back home soon,” I said. 

Trevor inhaled like I’d interrupted a deep thought and he turned to look at me, “Oh, yeah?”

“Well, I’ve made a real shit sandwich of this situation, I figure I know when to bow out before I make anything worse. Besides, I can’t rent that old apartment forever.”

He nodded and was quiet for a minute before saying, “I’m sure you don’t feel great right now and I don’t blame you. You made Eve look at a hard truth that she wasn’t quite ready to look at yet.”

I winced and wished I could trade any other embarrassing situation for the one I was in right now, like butt-dialing while talking smack, forgetting a birthday, or miscalculating flatulence. 

“But,” he continued, “at the same time, it was never going to work out for her. So, heartbreak now or heartbreak later — it’s hard to say which one is better.”

“Yeah,” I slugged back the rest of my drink, “And…what do you think Julian thinks of it? Is he mad at me, too?”

Trevor finished his beer and opened another one. It was that kind of night.

“No, I don’t think so. To be frank, he’s a little embarrassed about the whole thing. That’s why he didn’t stick around. It’s bad enough that your wife is chatting to someone else on the side. It’s a whole other thing if she’s willing to drain your finances to do it with a total fraudster.”

I was surprised by that. I know she had sent money, but I didn’t think it had been that much. 

“Yeah,” Trevor said, “Julian said he spent the afternoon going over their accounts. There’s a lot of missing money here ‘n there. I mean, maybe this isn’t the first scam guy she’s talked to.”

I sat back, looking at the stars. It was only partially comforting to know that I had merely kicked the expansive hornet’s nest growing under everyone’s feet. Suddenly, I realized how comfortable I had gotten in this place that wasn’t my own. I really did need to go home, even if it was just to deal with mail and bills…and the horrid Harold. 

I let my landlady know and by the end of the week, I was packing up my car again. Julian insisted that I take my favorite taxidermy, I think in an effort to show we’re still friends. So now I’m the proud(ish) owner of a mounted ferret. I’m sure it will bring me many years of joy. 

Saying goodbye to Trevor was a little more complicated. I was glad that he didn’t blame me for what had happened with Eve and Julian, but I wasn’t totally sure where he stood on all of it. As I left, he gave me a big ol’ hug and said, “Call me when you get home.”

It wasn’t until I stopped at the diner down the highway, home to the radioactive tuna sandwiches, that I realized that he had also left me something in the car. It was a cardboard box with tufts of bubble wrap sticking out. 

Gently, I unwrapped it to find one of Trevor’s more intricate, beautiful birdhouses. As I turned it over, I realized that this was the one that I had pointed out in his workshop when I first arrived. I’ll admit that the tiniest little tear did come to my eye. Just the tiniest one. He also left me a very nice note and I don’t want to divulge too much, but maybe I haven’t completely botched this one yet!

So, I made it home and after settling in and making sure Harold hadn’t secretly pissed anywhere, I reached back out to Eve. I knew she probably didn’t want to talk so I just sent her a message saying that if she wants somewhere to visit after spending time with her sister, my house is open. 

And with that, I think we can safely tuck fake Nicolas Cage back into the horrific folds of the internet, for now. 

I hope you’re doing well. 

Love, 

Grams