Nice grams don’t finish last

We're running a whole different race, baby!

Dear Grams,

So, did you ever hear back from the Pill Pals lady about joining their cause? Honestly, that was the last thing I ever imagined you stumbling across in Vegas. I would have bet on you uncovering mob business or getting offered cocaine in the bathroom at Cirque de Soleil before making friends with an underground smuggling ring.

Are you sure you’ll be safe? I just don’t want you to get in trouble and it’s hard to know what sphere of civility the goons will go after next. And, I know that you live in what most people would consider a blue state, but I really believe that there are no such things anymore. There aren’t blue or red states, just clusters or people with different allegiances everywhere you go.

I just don’t think you can inherently trust people just because they’re your neighbors. I’ve been seeing so much BS on social media about ICE and border control and it’s frightening because the ulterior motive isn’t even trying to stay secret. I’m glad to be leaving, at least for a while.

Yes, you heard that right, Tabby and I are finally making moves! I let my landlord know I won’t be renewing my lease and I’ve begun the arduous process of getting rid of as much stuff as possible. You don’t happen to have a use for a partially broken coffee table, do you? Cleaning house has actually been surprisingly exhilarating! I’ve held onto so much crap over the years and now I can start fresh. Well, besides the boxes I’m keeping at my parents’.

And where are we going? Drumroll please! We’re going to….Croatia! They have nomad work visas there, and the time difference doesn’t make it impossible for me to pull off my little “work from home” stunt with the office. Although, I am planning to eventually quit before I do my own solo traveling (location yet to be determined). Otherwise, I’ve bought my plane ticket, canceled my gym membership, and have about a thousand browser tabs open on compression cubes.

There’s such a duality to everything right now. I’m excited to be going, and I’m worried about everything I’m leaving. Please try not to get arrested with the Pill Pals, OK? It would be awful to be on the other side of the planet if that were to happen.

Love –

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Hey hun,

Congratulations on Croatia! I don’t know anything about that place! I’ll have to look it up later or ask at the library – I have to return some books anyway. I’ve never heard of compression cubes, but try putting dryer sheets in your luggage so your clothes don’t smell like traveling.

And, I appreciate it, but you worry about me too much! I do actually still have some living friends to call if I get in a jam, thank you very much. Here’s the thing though, when I was growing up in this town, approximately 10,000 years ago, things were very different. I told you about how the people on my street were immigrants from all over. It wasn’t perfect, but we managed a gentle community despite the cops who paid our street extra attention, or the people throwing trash into your yards.

If I were to walk down the same street now, the lawns would be so green they'd be neon. The houses are prim, perfect, and large, and I only know a few neighbors by name, except Barbie. That old bird will outlive us all and spit on our graves. Now, people are proudly littering their own yards with those trashy Trump signs and can sit smug in their homes because they don’t think they need anyone else to get by. Although, I’d argue that they certainly need all of those Amazon delivery people who dump packages on their porches all day.

All that’s to say that yes, I did hear back from the Pill Palls, and I’m now the first East Coast member! That means I have to start getting prepared to host my share of supplies, which will probably end up being a tupperware in the fridge. I hope nobody minds me sending them pills that were sitting next to the deli ham! We’ve also been talking about code names for the pills. One of the girls suggested Hail Mary, so we can talk about sending Hail Mary’s all over the country. I think it’s kinda funny. What do you think?

Sometimes I wonder why I am suddenly so willing to do something that could potentially get me into some trouble one day. I think it’s partially due to getting older and just not caring so much about what other people think. Or, maybe it’s the bad-girl appeal of finally getting arrested before I die!

It’s a strange feeling, seeing the cops of previous generations, the ones I saw patrolling in my old neighborhood, reborn in their descendants. Only now, instead of being a scared little girl, I’m a wise (I think) old crone. Trump supporters think they’ve won some nasty game of King of the Hill, for whatever scraps they find there.

I hate that they look at someone like me and think they see a nice old Grams who’ll finish last. They’re right, I’m not like them. I’m not delusional enough to think that I’m somehow special and will gain something by racing to the top of Trump Mountain. Let them think I’ll finish last. Theirs is not a race I care to run.

The street I grew up on is long gone, but now that I have the internet and friends all over the country, I don’t need it. If I can be a helping hand for another person, the spirit of it is still alive.

Well, I’m excited to hear how your planning and travels to Croatia go, wherever that is! I’m assuming that you’ll be bringing your laptop so you can keep emailing me, right? Maybe take your email off your phone before you go through the border. Just a thought!

Much love,

Grams

P.S. Honey, nobody needs your rickety old table. Leave it out on the street and someone will pick it up for firewood.